A journal entry after Brandon died:

In March, my younger brother passed away from the flu. His passing has caused all of my children to deal with new emotions they haven’t experienced before. My oldest is learning to stay the course by putting one foot in front of the other. My youngest—the boy who at one point in time dealt with fears on a daily basis—is strong in his resolve that families are forever. My middle child has found herself working through fear like she has never experienced before. Fear of death. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. All types of fear have seemed to shine an ugly head in our general direction.

Several nights after the funeral I found my daughter crying uncontrollably in her bed. I sat on the edge of her bed, and I listened to these fears. Some nights Amber would bravely go to bed; however, other nights found her consumed by the unknown. When Bryan and I would leave the home, Amber would text us, call us, and check on us frequently. The fear Amber was experiencing was tangible. 

One particularly hard night, Amber finally told me the cause of her fear. Amber was with me the night I found out my brother had passed away. I had just picked her up from gymnastics and I was on my way to pick up my other daughter at mutual. Brandon’s passing was unexpected, so when I got a phone call with the news of his passing, the only word I could say was “no”. I cried this word over and over again as my mind tried to find another solution to the story I was hearing. As Amber and I sat on her bed she confessed to me that she couldn’t seem to shake that moment from her thoughts. She said that seeing me in such a “broken” state caused her great fear. As I listened, I cried a bit in my own heart and I then I prayed for direction. We talked about what I did after that moment of brokenness, how I prayed for help, for faith. We talked about how to overcome our fears through the scriptures and prayers. We picked a theme scripture, and a theme song. We faced her fears head on.  

Day by day we started making progress. I have often told Amber that this process is a process of a lifetime. It is something we have to do on a daily basis. It doesn’t stop just because she finally overcomes a trial in her life. Choosing faith happens to all those who seek eternal life.