I was touched while reading, Helaman 10:4 when it said, "Blessed art thou, Nephi, for those things which thou hast done; for I have beheld how thou hast with unwearyingness declared the word, which I have given unto thee, unto this people. And thou hast not sought thine own life, but hast sought my will, and to keep my commandments." I like how it says, "thou hast not sought thine own life, but hast sought my will". Isn't that the challenge of this life? To conform our will's to the Lord's will isn't always a black and white scenario. Sometimes, as we venture through life, we act in ways that are in accordance to what we think, what we want--without even realizing that our will is in the driver's seat.
Recently, I have been struggling with one of my church meetings. It seems that every time I comment, another sister will comment on the reverse opinion. Which, to be honest, has great validity as well, and needs to be taken into account. My concern is that the feeling of the meetings seem to be pointing to God having no expectation of us, which I know that many of my Christian friends believe; however, my religion doesn't believe that. We believe that Christ has suffered for our sins, and he will cleanse us from our sins--after we have done all that we can do. In the Bible it states that, "faith without works is dead". I believe that. We have to be willing to do our part in order to qualify ourselves for the atoning sacrifice of our Savior. With that being said, we also deny our Savior when we attempt to beat ourselves up, and put ourselves down for whatever we lack. When we turn to the Savior, in whatever struggle we find ourselves, we are using the atonement. It is that act of turning to the Savior that matters. However, when we choose to use means to "justify" our actions, we are not turning to our Savior.
The Savior once asked His disciples, "What shall a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Matthew 16:26) In a conference talk by Robert C. Gay, he said, "This is the exchange the Savior is asking of us; we are to give up all our sins, big or small, for the Father's reward of eternal life. We are to forget self-justifying stories, excuses, rationalizations, defense mechanisms, procrastinations, appearances, personal pride, judgmental thoughts, and doing things our way. We are to separate ourselves from all worldliness and take upon us the image of God in our countenances" (What Shall a Man Give in Exchange for His Soul?, Elder Robert C. Gay, October 2012 General Conference).
This is not to say that we need to beat ourselves up, or feel that we are unworthy--again, that would be denying the Savior's atonement as well. Elder Utchdorf said, "I want to tell you something that I hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect. Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not" (Forget Me Not, Dieter F. Utchdorf, November 2011 Ensign). Heavenly Father does not expect perfection from us. He expects that we will continually turn our hearts to Him, and seek to do His will. He expects us to work towards becoming perfect, but none of us will become perfected without the Savior--this is not a goal we can obtain on our own, nor is it something that will happen in this life. However, we can't "justify" away our actions because we are not expected to be perfect. We must persevere.
Perhaps that is why I felt so inspired by Nephi. I was touched by his "unwearyingness" to preach the Gospel, and to perservere. I've been tempted to volunteer in other capacities, so as to not have to attend that meeting. I had almost convinced myself that it was okay to "not testify", but to rather "allow them their opinion"; however, I don't think that is what the Savior would have me do. I think He would ask me to proclaim my feelings--even when I am being refuted every time I open my mouth. I am inspired by the words of Nephi. It gives me courage to be what the Lord wants me to be.
