Faith

How can I choose Faith over Fear?

This last little while, my daughter has often asked why it has been so hard for her to continually choose faith when her fears of death and dying seem so real. She has often questioned whether or not she has faith, because she seems to fear. In these moments, I have hugged her and reassured her that she most definitely has faith, and I have admonished her to keep trying, to “doubt her doubts not her faith”.  

Just recently we had a question and answer family home evening. We allowed the kids to submit any type of question, and then Bryan and I would take turns answering their questions. My daughter submitted the question: How do you continually choose faith over fear? As I read her question, Elder Bednar’s talk came to my mind. I opened my Ensign and began reading to her about Peter looking away. I then related that back to our lives. I promised her that there most definitely was going to be moments when we would have to replace those fears with faith, because her fears would continually resurface. However, I promised her that if she continually kept her eyes focused on the Savior, she would prevail.

I asked her this morning what her impressions have been since our conversation. She said that there have been times when the fear has resurfaced and she has remembered Peter. She said, “I have remembered Peter and what Jesus said to him, and I have decided I would want to be the kind of person where I could continue to walk on the water keeping my eyes focused on the Savior. Because I have wanted to do that, I have had to do things to keep my focus. When I find myself feeling fearful, I have been replacing my fear with uplifting music. As I have replaced the fear I have had peace; I have been more happy; as I have pushed the fear out, I have felt reassured that I will overcome.  

There are many things that can crowd out our faith—not just fear—so, how can we keep our gaze focused on the Savior?

A journal entry after Brandon died:

In March, my younger brother passed away from the flu. His passing has caused all of my children to deal with new emotions they haven’t experienced before. My oldest is learning to stay the course by putting one foot in front of the other. My youngest—the boy who at one point in time dealt with fears on a daily basis—is strong in his resolve that families are forever. My middle child has found herself working through fear like she has never experienced before. Fear of death. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. All types of fear have seemed to shine an ugly head in our general direction.

Several nights after the funeral I found my daughter crying uncontrollably in her bed. I sat on the edge of her bed, and I listened to these fears. Some nights Amber would bravely go to bed; however, other nights found her consumed by the unknown. When Bryan and I would leave the home, Amber would text us, call us, and check on us frequently. The fear Amber was experiencing was tangible. 

One particularly hard night, Amber finally told me the cause of her fear. Amber was with me the night I found out my brother had passed away. I had just picked her up from gymnastics and I was on my way to pick up my other daughter at mutual. Brandon’s passing was unexpected, so when I got a phone call with the news of his passing, the only word I could say was “no”. I cried this word over and over again as my mind tried to find another solution to the story I was hearing. As Amber and I sat on her bed she confessed to me that she couldn’t seem to shake that moment from her thoughts. She said that seeing me in such a “broken” state caused her great fear. As I listened, I cried a bit in my own heart and I then I prayed for direction. We talked about what I did after that moment of brokenness, how I prayed for help, for faith. We talked about how to overcome our fears through the scriptures and prayers. We picked a theme scripture, and a theme song. We faced her fears head on.  

Day by day we started making progress. I have often told Amber that this process is a process of a lifetime. It is something we have to do on a daily basis. It doesn’t stop just because she finally overcomes a trial in her life. Choosing faith happens to all those who seek eternal life. 

A continued fight...

Last night was another night of fear before bed. We cried together for quite some time. We once again talked about facing our fears and trusting in God. Sometimes thoughts are so hard to dismiss. It takes great persistence, faith and prayer to move past some of the thoughts that seem to surface in our minds. This is the struggle--to continually push out the sad and bad thoughts, and trust in the good. Amber said that she struggled with getting the night of Brandon's death out of her mind. She said that it continually replays in her mind, and it is always of me crying the word "no". We talked about that night. We faced her fears. And then we talked about the good of that night too. We talked about the praying and the seeking God. We talked about the blessing she received and what it said, and then we listened to the blessing.

I didn't realize that it would be a tender mercy to have the blessing recorded, but as we re-listened to God's words to her, Amber felt fortified and determined to allow God to help her. The blessing was directly related to her struggle right now. When the blessing was first offered Bryan had no idea of what kind of struggle Amber would face, which is a testimony to me that God is aware of us. He sees our struggles, and He sends messages to us to strengthen us in times of need. This blessing was a message from God to Amber, and I believe it will be the source of her strength to overcome. I am so grateful for the power of the priesthood, for the love of God, and for trials. It is through these trials that we have the opportunity to become. The process of becoming is so difficult, but I have no doubt that it will someday be glorious.

Hailey was reading the New Era this morning, and read this quote to me:
Heavenly Father placed you in the best place to use your spiritual gifts and build your talents. No matter where you live or what life circumstances you find yourself in, you can make the choice to succeed, regardless of your challenges. Don't ever give up. Keep going. Don't quit. Remember, its what you do with what you have that makes you who you are. ("New Era, "Where Am I", December 2014).
This is a lesson that we are learning so intensely right now. Last night as I talked with Amber, I felt as if I was begging her to keep going. I felt as if I was pleading and using all the persuasion I had in me to convince her of God's goodness, of beautiful things to come, of peace and happiness. Amber is an amazing young woman. She will succeed, and I will be with her along the way!