Doubt your Doubts

In October 2013 General Conference, President Uchtdorf said, "It’s natural to have questions--the acorn of honest inquiry has often sprouted and matured into a great oak of understanding. There are few members of the Church who, at one time or another, have not wrestled with serious or sensitive questions. One of the purposes of the Church is to nurture and cultivate the seed of faith--even in the sometimes sandy soil of doubt and uncertainty. Faith is to hope for things which are not seen but which are true.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters--my dear friends--please, first doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith. We must never allow doubt to hold us prisoner and keep us from the divine love, peace, and gifts that come through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ."

We all have doubts. Some of our greatest battles occur within our own minds. It's what we do with those doubts, which will determine the direction of our lives. While I'm a Sunday School class I was taught about a disciple of Christ who also doubted:

25 And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.
26 And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.
27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.
28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?
32 And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.
33 Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God.

As Peter looked around at the boisterous sea, he was reminded of his doubts rather than his faith. As he took his eyes off the Savior, his carnal understandings took control of his reactions. He was a fisherman. He knew the properties of water and knew that walking on water wasn't meant to happen. He allowed his carnal understanding to alter the faith he was experiencing. 

And so it is with us--many things that require faith cannot be understood through our carnal understandings. Believing there is a God cannot be proven simply by science. Faith takes leaping away from the edge of understanding. It takes trust. It takes seeking God and then applying the feelings of the heart. It cannot be proven by science, but it can be felt within ourselves.

Making Jesus Christ the center of our lives is key in the process of faith. Elder Bednar said, “the counsel Alma gave to his son Helaman applies precisely to each of us today: ‘Yea, see that ye look to God and live’ (Alma 37:47). “We should look to and have our focus firmly fixed upon the Savior at all times and in all places” (David A. Bednar, “Therefore, They Hushed Their Fears”, General Conference 2015).

I truly believe keeping our focus set on Christ is key to staying the course of faith. President Monson has promised that if we can make Jesus Christ the center of our lives, it will “enable us to face our challenges to meet them head on and to emerge victorious” (Thomas S. Monson, Be of Good Cheer, General Conference April 2009).

My little brother, Brandon, just recently passed away from the flu. Brandon and I were inseparable as kids. He was my sidekick. We did everything together. Truly, if there was an adventure to be had—Brandon and I did it together. Brandon’s death was unexpected to our family, and the shock of it caused great anguish for both myself and my children.

I was in the car with my middle child when I received the phone call with the news of Brandon’s passing. His death has caused a lot of pain for all of my children, but especially, Amber—who was with me when I heard the news.  Amber has found herself full of fear.

Helping Amber stay focused on faith rather than fear was a daily struggle. She couldn’t go to bed without fear, she couldn’t be separated from us without fear, she couldn’t go to gymnastics without fear. As a family, we prayed for direction; we kept our focus on Christ—we read scriptures, and we talked of Christ. Day by day we received inspiration and direction to help us along our fight. A turning point in Amber’s struggle happened at bed time when Amber couldn’t go to sleep because of her fears. We talked for a long time about gospel principles and focusing on faith. We talked about tools to help her focus her mind on the good and happy things in life.

A huge break through happened one night during family home evening. We allowed the kids to submit any type of question, and then Bryan and I took turns answering their questions. Amber submitted the question: “How do you continually choose faith over fear?” At this point in Amber’s journey, she was worried about whether or not she had faith at all, because she had been struggling with so many doubts. We had talked about Satan wanting her to doubt her faith, and how President Utchdorf had counseled us to “Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith” (Dieter F. Utchdorf, “Come Join With Us, October 2013). As I read her question, I prayed for inspiration, and Elder Bednar’s talk came to my mind where he shared Peter's experience. I quickly opened up my Ensign and began sharing with Amber the story of Peter walking on the water: “But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid,” began to sink, and cried out, “Lord, save me. “And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?” (Matthew 14:30–31) (David A. Bednar, “Therefore, They Hushed Their Fears, April 2015).
This is where I stopped and explained to Amber that it wasn’t until Peter lost his focus on the Savior that he began to sink. Peter had great faith—faith enough to walk on water, but Peter also had fear—just like we sometimes do too. I then finished explaining with Elder Bednar’s explanation:“I envision Peter responding fervently and immediately to the Savior’s invitation. With his eyes fixed upon Jesus, he stepped out of the boat and miraculously walked on the water. Only when his gaze was diverted by the wind and the waves did he become afraid and begin to sink” (David A. Bednar, “Therefore, They Hushed Their Fears, April 2015).

I told Amber that just like with wind distracted Peter from his focus on Christ—we too, can experience distractions that can take our focus from Christ. However, I promised Amber that if she could stay focused and stay the course—she would overcome.

After this family home evening I witnessed the miracle taking place in our lives while preparing a Gospel Doctrine lesson on faith. In the midst of my preparation, I remembered our family home evening discussion. I turned to Amber and I asked her to tell me about her “Peter” experience and how it was going, and this is what she said: “I have remembered Peter and what Jesus said to him, and I have decided I would want to be the kind of person where I could continue to walk on the water keeping my eyes focused on the Savior. Because I have wanted to do that, I have had to do things to keep my focus. When I find myself feeling fearful, I have been replacing my fear with uplifting music. As I have replaced the fear I have had peace; I have been more happy; as I have pushed the fear out, I have felt reassured that I will overcome.”  

How many times in our lives do we take our eyes from the Savior? How many times do we allow ourselves to be tossed by the boisterous sea rather than taking hold of the truths of the Gospel? Sometimes it is easy to take in our circumstances without allowing the Savior to play an active role.

Keep Trying

These words from President Monson touched me today:

Keep Trying

“One of God’s greatest gifts,” President Monson said, “is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final.” Don’t let discouragement get the best of you when you fail at first (or second or third).

Keep going. Keep pushing. Keep trying.

Nobody’s perfect, but everybody can be better. Remember that “God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep on trying.”

I love the movie: Anne of Green Gables. I absolutely love the sincerity of Anne, and her desires to improve. Her sweet determination and her constant failures reminds me of me--I can totally relate. After what seemed like an epic failure, Anne says something that I repeat to myself on a daily basis. She says, "Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it." I love this insight. I love the reminder that we can keep trying. We don't have to give up because "today" didn't go as planned. Nope--tomorrow is new, and it is our gift to try again. 

President Monson coupled with Anne of Green Gables gives me hope for my tomorrow's. So, for today--I will keep trying, and if I don't succeed right now, it's not over. I can keep trying. I have no doubt as I keep this perspective, my tomorrow's will be filled with more success than my today's.

Child of God

When my eldest daughter started first grade, I was instructed more fully of the importance of our divinity and studying scriptures. I remember feeling distraught at sending her to school. I hated the idea of her being away from me for an entire day. Not only did I miss her dearly, but I was entrusting others’ to provide positive influence in her life. I felt concerned for her spiritual safety. I remember taking my concerns to the Lord. And then one morning I awoke with an answer. I had been instructed to remind my children of their divine heritage. And so began a tradition with each of my children. Every morning each child is asked the same question, “Who are you?” to which they reply, “A child of God”. They are then asked, “What does that mean?” to which they reply, “I am a princess”.  For a time, I felt peace with this simple routine; however, I soon learned that there was more to my answer. While listening to conference, I received a strong impression about early morning scripture study. We were already studying scriptures at night; however, the impression was clear that for my children’s spiritual safety they needed to be fortified with the word of God before leaving for school. And so, a new routine began.  In the beginning, our morning scripture study was hurried, and limited. At times we were only able to quickly read through one scripture, or at other times we were so rushed that we would simply recite a memorized scripture as we rushed out the door. I remember feeling somewhat discouraged. Despite my best efforts, our scripture study was not living up the impressions I had received. Again, I took my concern to the Lord, and I was impressed with yet another way to spiritually protect my children. I was instructed that rather than leaving our scripture study for the end of our morning routine—I needed to start our routine with scripture study. The next morning, the only change we made to our routine was the time in which we chose to study the scriptures. As we made scripture study the priority, I saw miracles happen in our lives—we were able to devote ample amount of time to scripture study, get ready for school, and be out the door on time. What was once a rushed reading of the scriptures has now become an in-depth study of Gospel principles. The Lord has made up the difference in time, and by studying the word of God, my children are more prepared to face whatever temptations they may encounter.
...And now 9 years later, we still follow this simple admonition, and I truly believe it has made all the difference in the lives of my children.

Genius Child of God

My little Jake moves to the beat of his own drum. He is an amazing kid with so much personality, a love for life, and an enthusiasm for the "little things". He isn't like other children in personality or in his abilities at school. Jake's personality has a pure innocence that is difficult to put into words. Past teachers have tried to explain his genuine personality to me, but have never quite hit the mark always describing him as innocent.

As far as his abilities in school, well... Jake struggles with school. We have put Jake in numerous programs to help him along the way. We (his parents) are fully aware that he has dyslexic tendencies. We are also fully aware of the struggles that he faces as he tries to maneuver school and stay caught up with the rest of his grade. Perhaps, I should say that his dad is fully aware, because his dad struggled with the Exact. Same. Thing.

For the longest time I have been a cheer leader for Jake. I have told him that he is a genius. I have told him that he will struggle like his dad, but that if he keeps working hard--he will do amazing things--just like his dad. I have also told Jake that he is the smartest person I know!

I have told these truths to Jake several times for two reasons. First, because I believe it! Second, I knew that someday he would question just how smart he was capable of being. I knew that someday he would recognize his struggle compared to other students. And when that day came, I wanted him to be armed with the knowledge that I believed in him.

Up to this point, I have felt incredibly blessed that the ugly face of comparison had never presented itself. Jake hasn't seemed to care what other people are doing, or thinking... Well, until this morning. This morning, while we were doing piano--Jake stopped me in the middle and said,

"Mom, I want to be a genius now."

"Well, honey, I think you are a genius."

"No. Mom. I want to be the best in my class now. I am not the best in my class."

"Well, buddy... you don't have to be the best in your class to be smart. You are smart in other ways."

"Mom, I want to be really good at things right now. I want to go to school and show everyone that I am a genius. I want it right now."

"Jake, I promise you that if you keep on working hard, you will do amazing things. It may not be right now. You don't have to the best in your class right now to be super smart. Comparing yourself to others will only bring you down. I know you can do great things, buddy, I believe in you! Be patient."

I wish I would've taken a bit more time to love him and hug him and really listen. Sure, we chatted. Sure, I gave him encouragement. However, ever since he left for school I can't help but think I needed to capitalize on this moment even more.

Our children are precious sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. They are absolutely divine. This big world of ours sometimes makes it difficult to remember that we are divine when everyone and everything around us screams our imperfections. Satan is truly conniving as he pushes these comparisons into our view; he knows that if we dwell too long on those thoughts, we will become discouraged and possibly lose focus.

I'm going to try for a redo tonight. It is my hope that I didn't completely miss the window of opportunity to teach my beautiful son about his divine nature--that the most important things that any of us could ever accomplish is not being smart at school, but rather living up to the divinity within us; after-all, being a son of God is a pretty big deal!