Genius Child of God

My little Jake moves to the beat of his own drum. He is an amazing kid with so much personality, a love for life, and an enthusiasm for the "little things". He isn't like other children in personality or in his abilities at school. Jake's personality has a pure innocence that is difficult to put into words. Past teachers have tried to explain his genuine personality to me, but have never quite hit the mark always describing him as innocent.

As far as his abilities in school, well... Jake struggles with school. We have put Jake in numerous programs to help him along the way. We (his parents) are fully aware that he has dyslexic tendencies. We are also fully aware of the struggles that he faces as he tries to maneuver school and stay caught up with the rest of his grade. Perhaps, I should say that his dad is fully aware, because his dad struggled with the Exact. Same. Thing.

For the longest time I have been a cheer leader for Jake. I have told him that he is a genius. I have told him that he will struggle like his dad, but that if he keeps working hard--he will do amazing things--just like his dad. I have also told Jake that he is the smartest person I know!

I have told these truths to Jake several times for two reasons. First, because I believe it! Second, I knew that someday he would question just how smart he was capable of being. I knew that someday he would recognize his struggle compared to other students. And when that day came, I wanted him to be armed with the knowledge that I believed in him.

Up to this point, I have felt incredibly blessed that the ugly face of comparison had never presented itself. Jake hasn't seemed to care what other people are doing, or thinking... Well, until this morning. This morning, while we were doing piano--Jake stopped me in the middle and said,

"Mom, I want to be a genius now."

"Well, honey, I think you are a genius."

"No. Mom. I want to be the best in my class now. I am not the best in my class."

"Well, buddy... you don't have to be the best in your class to be smart. You are smart in other ways."

"Mom, I want to be really good at things right now. I want to go to school and show everyone that I am a genius. I want it right now."

"Jake, I promise you that if you keep on working hard, you will do amazing things. It may not be right now. You don't have to the best in your class right now to be super smart. Comparing yourself to others will only bring you down. I know you can do great things, buddy, I believe in you! Be patient."

I wish I would've taken a bit more time to love him and hug him and really listen. Sure, we chatted. Sure, I gave him encouragement. However, ever since he left for school I can't help but think I needed to capitalize on this moment even more.

Our children are precious sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. They are absolutely divine. This big world of ours sometimes makes it difficult to remember that we are divine when everyone and everything around us screams our imperfections. Satan is truly conniving as he pushes these comparisons into our view; he knows that if we dwell too long on those thoughts, we will become discouraged and possibly lose focus.

I'm going to try for a redo tonight. It is my hope that I didn't completely miss the window of opportunity to teach my beautiful son about his divine nature--that the most important things that any of us could ever accomplish is not being smart at school, but rather living up to the divinity within us; after-all, being a son of God is a pretty big deal!

Continue Pressing Forward

 Trials will Make us Stronger

I wouldn't say I am a runner; rather I would say that I enjoy staying active. Not being able to run these last 7 months has made me appreciate the moments when I did run. Yesterday, I ran for the first time after having surgery last March. I was super excited. I felt like I was just making it over a huge mountain I have been climbing for a long time.

It's funny how life can throw you some curve balls just when you think you're to the end of the trial you now reside. Today I went to get a second opinion on my the progress of my knee. I have been unable to get full extension for the last 7 months, I have had pain in my lower knee, and to be honest--I didn't think it was part of the "normal" healing process.

Despite being concerned about my healing, I don't think I thought that I would be going back into surgery. Just when I had finally been given the "OK" to run, I was going to be starting back at ground zero.

I can't describe the bag of mixed emotions in my heart. I am sad. I am glad. I am frustrated. I am relieved. I am sad for obvious reasons. I am glad that my problems haven't been "just in my head", but that there is really something that can be done. I am frustrated that I still need to learn patience.... And, I am relieved that I have some answers.

This definitely isn't an easy trial for me, but I know that it will bless me as I continue to persevere. And someday...someday...someday...I will run for reals.

Faith

It is easy to doubt spiritual impressions. For several years I have had the impression that I needed to write a book. And although I believed that impression, I lacked the act of faith it required to begin the process. I have allowed my feelings of inadequacy to take place in my mind rather than trusting in God. When it comes to God helping us in our lives, I absolutely believe that He will--without question. I have no doubt that He is there, and very much a part of our lives. However, my faith has been lacking as I thought of all my imperfections pertaining to the process of writing a book, and this lack of faith has caused my great hesitations in beginning the process. Ironically, the book's main theme was meant to be on faith.

Faith is a hope for things which are not seen, but are true (Alma 32:21). Having faith means than that I must step forward and trust that the Lord will become the author--trusting in Him enough to allow myself to simply become a tool. Therefore, I begin this process--knowing that He will guide it, and I will simply be His scribe. With that being said, I do not feel that I am an expert at this topic. In fact, I feel far from it; however, I do feel that my life has been written around the faith required to continue in the faith, and because of that, it is my hope that these thoughts will help someone in need.

Dreams of Resurrection

The other night I had a dream that I was young again. In my dream, my little brother and I were together--it was all about the joy we had together. There wasn't one specific activity we did--in the dream--it was just a feeling of spending time and enjoying one another. We were kids without any cares or concerns in the world. We frolicked through the days simply enjoying each other and our happy lives. And then--out of nowhere--he died. In my dream, I grieved my loss, and I anticipated his funeral; however, he wasn't buried, and somehow this seemed okay. My parents carefully laid him to rest on our family couch--almost as if we were waiting for something. Everyday I walked by my little brother peacefully residing in our home. A great deal of time passed, and then--almost as suddenly has he had gone--he was alive.

I remember being so grateful at my parent's wisdom in keeping him with us. The moment he awoke was indescribable joy. Joy beyond anything I have ever felt. It was a culmination of the love we shared before he was gone, missing him, and then all things being restored. My heart was filled to bursting. We laughed. We talked. All was well again in my world.

And then it was over.

I awoke feeling as if something was missing. Brandon was just in the surface of my mind, and I felt as if something grand had happened. As I gathered my thoughts, I realized that Brandon was--in fact--gone, and that he hadn't been resurrected--not yet.

When I went to bed the previous night, I wasn't thinking about Brandon; however, somehow in my dream world--I found him. It has been a year since Brandon has passed away. For the most part, we are doing well; however, I am constantly amazed how mourning sometimes takes longer than we realize. I am grateful for this dream, because despite the fact that we would never lay someone to rest on our living room couch, it still provides a powerful truth that will someday be realized.

Brandon will live again. The joy I felt at Brandon's "resurrection" must have been only a small taste of what it will really be like when we see our loved ones again. I am so humble and grateful for a Heavenly Father who loved me enough to send His Son to die for me. I am speechless when I think of my Savior's love and grace on my behalf. Because of the atonement, all things will be made right. I can't even imagine the joy.



Brandon when we were young...



Families Are Forever

The Lord's Hand

I sometimes stand in awe at the love that the Lord bestows in our lives. This morning I needed to wake up early in order to drive to my uncle's funeral 4 hours away. Timing was everything, and because of that-- I couldn't afford to sleep passed my alarm.

When I went to bed, I was careful to set my alarm--knowing I needed to wake up at 5:00 a.m. I was sound asleep when I was awakened by an impression that I hadn't set my alarm. At first, my consciousness thought I was still dreaming; however, the impression was so strong that I found myself crawling out of bed to check the time. I have two 5 o'clock settings in my alarms--one for the morning and one for the evening. I had set my alarm, but instead of setting it for the morning--I set it for the evening. When I awoke, it was 5:05 a.m. I have no doubt that Heavenly Father directed my path today. He was aware of my need, and He provided a way for me to attend my uncle's funeral. Without that wake up call--we wouldn't have been able to attend. I am so grateful. I am in awe at His love. 

Did God send a message that was just for me?

I'm trying to write these thoughts more diligently. What did God send me today?

I was grateful for the opportunity to teach Jacob's class today. I was able to see a bird's eye view of my son and his surroundings at church. It taught me a lot about how I can instruct him as a parent, and how I can teach him compassion. I thought a lot about wishing for a different class, and yet--I changed my mind midway through those thoughts. As I reflect on his circumstance, I realize that he has the opportunity to BE THE GOOD. He can reach out to the struggling children and lift. He can learn to not succumb to the temptations of "playing along" when a child is being disruptive. Sometimes it is the frustrating scenarios that make us better more compassionate human beings.

Conference

CONFERENCE WEEKEND

We decided to go to the cabin for conference. We were able to arrive on Thursday night, so we had a whole day to explore the Fall colors. It was absolutely breathtaking:

Conference was amazing. I loved being spiritually fed. I loved being engulfed in God's nature at the cabin while listening to Conference. My heart was uplifted and I was fortified. My hurts were given a balm of healing. My determination to BECOME was renewed. 

There were many moments in Conference that moved me to tears. Most of those moments were through the messages taught. However two other moments caused me to reflect. First, our prophet had an opposing vote for the second time. I was at the last conference, and I remember being completely blown away at the vote of opposition. My daughters couldn't fathom someone not sustaining our prophet, and it was difficult to keep them quiet through the remainder of the session. (In the conference center, it is absolutely quiet, so conversing about something is out of the question.) This time, I silently prayed that there would be no opposition to our prophet; however, I was disappointed in my hopes. My mind had reflected on the meaning of this opposition, and I can't help but think about the times in which we live. It is so easy to become blinded to the world around us.

It sometimes amazes me how easy it is to allow Satan to obstruct our view. Just last night, my children asked me about a former teacher who has recently left the church. Their concern for their former teacher, touched my heart, and in the process we talked about what it means to keep the faith. Perhaps, my formula is too simple for staying the course, but I don't think so. I honestly think that it is the little things that count. It is daily scripture study, daily prayers, and attending our church meetings that will be the difference maker in our testimonies. I truly believe that if we are doing these things, then no matter what kind of information, or trial that is thrown our way--our testimonies will be solid and we will be able to withstand the storm. 

This past year, my young brother passed away. I have been extremely careful to be absolutely faithful and positive in my conversations about his passing. This "careful" attitude hasn't been an "act". I truly believe that through our faith we will overcome all of our trials. With that being said, there have been extreme moments of struggle. I have no doubt that as I have continued to pray and read my scriptures, I have been carried. I also have no doubt that because I was doing those things prior to Brandon's passing, I was directed to the pathway of healing. My faith has not faltered. My resolve remains the same. In fact, perhaps I am becoming better...slowly...very slowly, but all the same--better. 

I can't imagine living life without God in the picture. I can't imagine having him as a constant confidant. I can't imagine life without the scriptures in my head. I can't imagine FACING life without it. I am so grateful that I have been given tools that keep me safe from Satan, and that keep facing my Savior. 

The second thing (besides the inspired messages) that caused my tears to flow was watching our beloved prophet struggle as he delivered his message. Somehow as he struggled, my mind no longer focused on his message, but his struggle in delivering that message. My heart ached as I prayed for his strength. Perhaps, this second experience illuminates my frustration with the first experience. It illuminates the first, because it demonstrates how much I truly love the prophet and how utterly ridiculous it is for anyone to find fault in him. I am so grateful for all that President Monson does for me on a daily basis. I am so grateful that God, in His mercy, allows us to be led by a holy man of God. I am so grateful that President Monson--once again--offered an example of charity and love for others as he refused to quit, and as he persevered through his message. My ultimate goal is to become as Christ-like as possible prior to my passing into the next life--President Monson is an example of someone who is accomplishing that goal. I am truly grateful to him for his example.

Mushroom Wars From a Mushroom City we Found

I am constantly feeling as if I need to improve as a parent. I am far from perfect. There are many things that I feel I need to improve upon with my parenting skills. However, once in a while, I do something right. The reverence tent is doing something right. I was astounded this weekend as my kids truly focused on conference. The tent seems like a miracle worker in our lives. The kids look forward to conference. They talk about the tent, and then as conference is going--they truly focus. I think this is the 6th or 7th conference with "the tent", and I will never go back.

FAVORITES:

There was so much to be gleaned from conference, but here were some of my favorites:

"Exaltation is our goal; discipleship is our journey."
`Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"People wonder if there is going to be anything new, anything exciting in the way of a new announcement or a new tradition. The interesting thing is that everything we teach is old."
`Russell M. Nelson

"He takes us as we are--and makes us more than we ever imagined."
`Neill F. Marriott

"Your responsibility now is to be worthy of the person you wan tot marry. If you want to marry a wholesome, attractive, honest, happy, hardworking, spiritual person, be that kind of person. If you are that person and you are not married, be patient. Wait upon the Lord. I testify that the Lord knows your desires and loves you for your faithful devotion to Him. He has a plan for you, whether it be in this life or the next. Listen to His Spirit."
`Robert D. Hales

"There is no darkness so dense, so menacing, or so difficult that it cannot be overcome by light."
`Vern P. Stanfill

"Your faith will grow not by chance, but by choice."
`Neil L. Anderson

"Our adversary wants us to fail. He spreads lies as part of his effort to destroy our belief. He slyly suggests that the doubter, the skeptic, the cynic is sophisticated and intelligent, while those who have faith in God and His miracles are naive, blind, or brainwashed. Satan will advocate that it is cool to doubt spiritual gifts and the teachings of prophets. I wish I could help everyone to understand this one simple fact: we believe in God because of things we know with our heart and mind, not because of things we do not know. Our spiritual experiences are sometimes too sacred to explain in worldly terms, but that doesn't mean they are not real."
`Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"My message to you tonight is straightforward. It is this: Keep the commandments. God's commandments are not given to frustrate or to become obstacles to our happiness. Just the opposite is true. He who created us and who loves us perfectly knows just what we need and when we need it, in order to obtain the greatest happiness possible. He has provided us with guidelines which, if we follow them, will see us safely through this treacherous mortal journey. We remember the words of the familiar hymn: 'Keep the commandments! In this there is safety; in this there is peace.'"
`President Thomas S. Monson

"May I say to all of you, and particularly to you young people, that the world moves further and further away from the principles and guidelines given to us by loving Heavenly Father, we will stand out from the crowd because we are different..."
`President Thomas S. Monson

"The culminating act of all Creation was the creation of woman!"
`Russell M. Nelson

"We can, if we live worthy of it, have the blessings of the Spirit to be with us."
`Henry B. Eyring

"It's important to recognize that God's ultimate purpose is our progress. His desire is that we continue f'from grace to grace, until we receive a fullness' of all that He can give. That requires more than being nice or feeling spiritual. It requires faith in Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism of water and of Spirit, and enduring in faith to the end."
`D. Todd Christofferson

"God never loses sight of our eternal potential, even when we do."
`Carole M. Stephens

"Your Heavenly Father loves you--each of you. That love never changes."
`President Thomas S. Monson

"Focus not on what I can't do but rather what I can do."
`Gary E. Stevenson

"Remember that faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time for one will dispel the other."
`Thomas S. Monson

"As the literal spirit children of our loving Heavenly Father, we have unlimited divine potential.
`M. Russell Ballard

"If our lives are centered on Jesus Christ, He can successfully mold us into who we need to be."
`Richard J. Maynes

"As we make Christ the center of our lives, our fears will be replaced by the courage of our conviction."
`Thomas S. Monson

"Do not give up! Never give up!"
`Elder Martino

"Our Heavenly Father knows our divine potential. He rejoices every time we take a step forward."
`Larry R. Lawrence

"We need women who know how to make important things happen by their faith."
`Russell M. Nelson

"To all the mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle--and all will--I say, "Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are.'"
`Jeffrey R. Holland

"Once we begin to see the divinity in ourselves, we can see it in others."
`Rosemary M. Wixom

"One man or woman who is willing to testify when the world is going in the opposite direction, can make a difference."
`Gregory A. Schwitzer

"No love in mortality comes closer to approximating the pure love of Jesus Christ than the selfless love a devoted mother has for her child."
`Jeffrey R. Holland

"If you do your best, it will all work out."
`Neill F. Marriott

"What lack I yet?"
`Larry R. Lawrence

"Straighten up and fly right."
`Robert D. Hales

"None of us marry perfection, we marry potential."
`Robert D. Hales

We need to engage in intentional parenting...I've been where you are--I'll help you get through it.
`Bradley D. Foster

"When you do your part, He will magnify you."
`Henry B. Eyring

"Step forward and take your place. More than you ever have before..." (I need to look this one up some more.)
`Russell M. Nelson

"True disciples are not looking to make excuses for the doctrine. True disciples represent the Lord when it's not convenient."
`Gregory A. Schwietzer

"Don't be critical of the barrier, it's offering you protection."
`Elder Keetch

"Ponderize one verse of scripture each week."
`Devin G. Durrant