My fight song...

Last night when Amber found herself scared and unable to sleep, we talked for a long time about gospel principles and focusing on faith. I tried desperately to give her tools to help her focus her mind on the good and happy things of life. I told her to sing primary songs, to quickly refocus her mind when she found herself sad, and I told her that she could always use us (her parents) as a resource.

Our conversation went something like this:

"Mom, I just can't get it out of my head. I keep thinking back to the moment when you were so sad. When you kept saying "no". When you found out Brandon died. I keep thinking of that moment, and I am so sad."

"Amber, you are right that I was sad. I want you to know that it's okay to be sad when bad things happen, but I want you to think really hard back to that moment, and I want you to remember what I did after I had a moment of tears. What did I do?"

"You started to pray."

"You're right. I did start to pray. I knew that I couldn't make it through a trial of this magnitude without my Heavenly Father. Rather than focus on my sadness--could you focus on where I turned?"

It is moments like these where I struggle with my reactions, and I question how I handled my brother's death. I wish I had prayed right from the start. Sure, I started praying, but I had a moment of tears first. And it's not that I think that having a moment of tears is wrong, but my mind keeps going to the ideal--what I could have done to make this whole process better for my sweet little Amber. Maybe if I had immediately prayed, she would think of that moment rather than my sadness--I'm not sure. But, the one thing that I know without a doubt is that God is there--He hears us, and He is ready to help heal all wounds. Just like I keep trying to teach Amber to move forward with faith, I have to do the same. We both have to keep our focus on our Father in Heaven and allow Him to lift us.

The night that Brandon died I kept thinking of a song by Janice Kapp Perry called "The Test". All I wanted to do when I got home was to listen to that song over and over again. I wanted to hear the words, and embed them into my heart. I wanted to hear:

 "Didn't He say He sent us to be tested? Didn't He say the way would not be sure? But didn't He say we could live with Him forever more...if we but patiently endured? After the trial, we will be blessed. But this life is the test."

I wanted more than anything for the results of the evening to be different; however, I knew what I needed to do. I knew right then and there that I needed to have faith, and I wanted to hear a song that testified of that, so I listened over and over and over as the tears ran down my cheeks. I held my breath each time the song talked of death...

"Tell me friend, why must you die? Why must your loved ones stand with empty hearts and ask the question why? Help me know, so I can go on. How when your love and faith sustain me can the precious gift be gone? From the depth of sorrow I cry...the whisperings of the spirit still my cry. Didn't He say He sent us to be tested..."

I knew that my role was not to ask the question, "Why?" I had to have faith. I needed to choose faith.

Last night as I held Amber, she asked me about the song I had listened to when I found strength. I talked a little about the meaning behind the song, but the spirit told me that it wasn't her song for strength. As I conveyed the meaning of the song to me, and my testimony that we can endure, Bryan played another song in the background (a not so spiritual song, but a song with meaning too):

Like a small boat

On the ocean

Sending big waves

Into motion

Like how a single word

Can make a heart open

I might only have one match

But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say

Wrecking balls inside my brain

I will scream them loud tonight

Can you hear my voice this time

As the song came to the chorus, I could almost see Amber smile and start pumping her fist to the beat (she didn't, but we both felt it).

This is my fight song

Take back my life song

Prove I'm alright song

My power's turned on

(Starting right now) I'll be strong

I'll play my fight song

And I don't really care if nobody else believes

'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

After the song finished, Amber asked if we could buy it, and if she could listen to it again? So we did. I told her again that we loved her, and I held her in my arms as we cried a bit more, and then we wiped away our tears, and we determined to hold our chins high as we sang, "This is my fight song..." I told her that Uncle Brandon wanted her "to fight". He wanted her to love life, and to smile. I told her that it could be her gift to him to fight because I knew without a doubt that he would want that for her... And then we were finally able to sleep.

Primary Program and Testimony Meeting

Amber’s Testimony

Amber played in the primary program to accompany the Activity Day girls. She accidentally played the introduction toward the end of the song. However, despite her fumble, she kept playing; however, she was totally heartbroken. Bryan and I kept giving her the thumbs up sign throughout the rest of the program, but she couldn't seem to get control of her tears. (She is a bit of a perfectionist.) After the program, the ward members congratulated her over and over and over and over and over again... She heard time and time again how spiritual her playing the piano made the meeting. She was given notes after primary congratulating her on a job well done. One note read, "I felt the spirit when Amber had the courage to continue playing the piano. I felt her playing was beautiful!" Another person wrote that their favorite song was the song Amber played, because Amber did such a great job on the piano. telling her how amazing her playing was, and how much it touched those present. 

Today, during testimony meeting, Amber got up and bore testimony of the power of prayer. Her voice cracked as she explained that she prayed during the primary program--after making a mistake on the piano, that she could feel peace. She explained that after the program, the ward members came to her rescue by congratulating her, and encouraging her. She bore testimony that she knew that the ward members were an answer to her prayers. 

When Amber finished bearing testimony about the power of prayer, a sister from our ward bore testimony about the power of prayer and Amber being an answer to her prayer. In last month's testimony meeting, Amber bore testimony that priesthood blessings can answer prayers--she had already shared this experience in a past testimony meeting, so I was somewhat surprised when she shared it again; however, I kept my surprise to myself, and I am so glad that I did. Sister Eldredge stood up and bore testimony that Amber's testimony last month was an answer to her prayers. She had been praying for guidance, and much needed direction when Amber's testimony of the power of priesthood blessings entered her mind. Feeling it to be an answer to her prayer, she chose to receive a priesthood blessing, which she felt helped her to make a needed decision in her life.

Heavenly Father truly is aware of each of us. He loves us and He desires to send us blessings. If we can be in tune with the Spirit, we can be an answer to someone else's prayer. The ward member's were an answer to Amber's prayer, and Amber was the answer to Sister Eldredge's prayer. After church I asked Amber about baring her testimony the previous month, and she said she was just so impressed to say what she did.

SEEK, ENDURE, ATTAIN
Girl's Camp 2014

When we were sent here to earth, our Heavenly Father gave us the sweet gift of agency. Because we have been given the ability to choose, it is ultimately up to us to decide our final destination. I have often envisioned what it will be like to stand before my Father in Heaven and be judged for my actions here on this earth. A few months ago, I was taught a lesson on this topic. My mother-in-law entrusted my husband and I with her most prized possession—a necklace made from her mother’s wedding ring. She had left it at the cabin, and asked that we deliver it to her. Knowing how important this item was to my mother-in-law, my husband and I discussed ways in keeping it safe, and then followed through with our plan. However, when it came time to deliver the necklace to my mother-in-law, the necklace was no longer where it had been placed for safe keeping. This realization ensued several weeks of searching and praying for the lost heirloom. Throughout this time of prayer and contemplation, my soul longed for a “redo”. My mind was relentless with the “if only’s”, and the “should of’s”.  I couldn’t help but think of what I could have done, or what I should have done. In the midst of my turmoil, I was taught a lesson. One evening while contemplating the lost heirloom, my mind was opened to a new thought. In my mind I saw myself standing in front of my Savior after I had completed my time here on Earth. As I stood, my mind wondered—will I want a “redo”, or will I have done all that I could? In 2 Nephi it states, “Therefore, lift up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves, to choose the way of everlasting life, or the way of everlasting death” (2 Nephi 10:23). President Monson has said that decisions determine our destiny (President Monson, “Dare to Stand Alone”, Ensign, October 2011). 

The theme for camp this week is: An Island in a sea with the word sea being an acronym standing for Seek, Endure, Attain. An island represents us in our journey back to our Heavenly Home. An island stands out, an island is immoveable, and an island weathers the storms. In order for us to make the choices necessary to reach our ultimate goal, we must have the courage to seek the Gospel and endure the challenges of this life, and as we do so we will attain exaltation.

President Monson said, “Life’s journey is not traveled on a freeway devoid of obstacles, pitfalls, and snares. Rather, it is a pathway marked by forks and turnings. Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed… (The Call for Courage, President Thomas S. Monson, General Conference, 2004).”  

COURAGE~ SEEK AND ENDURE

Each of us will face choices that will require the courage. This last year my daughter switched schools just as she was entering Middle School. She had always attended school in the Boise School District; however, we felt impressed to switch her to her designated school district, so rather than attending West Junior High with the majority of her friends, she attended Lake Hazel. Right from the beginning, there were blessings to our switch—the greatest blessings were perhaps the young ladies who did reach out to her, and included her in their group of friends. Despite these friendships however, she still felt much like a new student. That is why it was so difficult for her when her Life Skills teacher announced that the class would be watching a movie that Hailey knew she shouldn’t watch. With pounding heart, a bit of dread, and a silent prayer, she shot her hand in the air determined to not watch the movie. She explained to her teacher her standards, and asked if there was something else that she could do. The teacher insisted that the movie wasn't inappropriate, and further stated that she wouldn't ask her to watch something that wasn’t beneficial to her learning. With determination, Hailey again asked if there was something else she could do? The teacher—a bit annoyed—excused her from the class. As she stood to leave, one student said, “Come on…it’s just a movie”, while others didn’t comment, but looked at her as if she were over-reacting. A bit embarrassed Hailey excused herself, and then began counting the minutes until Life Skills would be over. That night Hailey came home to tell me of her courage. As she told her story, tears rolled down her cheeks—she so desperately wanted friends, but she also wanted to choose the right. President Monson said, “As we go about living from day to day, it is almost inevitable that our faith will be challenged. We may at times find ourselves surrounded by others and yet standing in the minority or even standing alone concerning what is acceptable and what is not. Do we have the moral courage to stand firm for our beliefs, even if by so doing we must stand alone?”  (Thomas S. Monson, “Dare to Stand Alone, October 2011).

The scriptures are full of examples of courage, of men and women seeking the Lord and enduring their trials. I am inspired by the example of Noah when he had the courage to build an ark. Can you imagine his courage as he built a boat on dry land? It took Noah 120 years to build an ark. In that time, he was mocked and ridiculed. How many times in our lives are we mocked for doing what we feel is right? One of the key themes in Noah’s story that I believe relates to us, and our theme for camp is that Noah cared more about what the Lord thought, then what his peers thought. Noah was seeking the Lord. The Lord was very much a part of his life. I think of Noah’s example to stand out, to stand alone, to choose the Lord no matter the consequence, and then I think of my life—am I doing that? I think of Noah’s courage to follow through with a prompting, and then I wonder if I am doing the same?

I love the example of courage shown by David when he fought Goliath. When I was a young girl in primary, we would often have to declare our favorite scripture hero—mine was always David. Even as a young girl, my heart wanted to have enough courage to face anything the Lord required. When speaking to Goliath, David said, “Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied. [1 Sam. 17:45]. David had courage not only to fight a giant, but also courage in the Lord. He knew the Lord would help him defeat Goliath. The only possible way for David to have had such an unshakeable knowledge of the Lord’s presence in his life was for David to have allowed the Lord to be a part of his life.  Because he had been seeking the Lord, he knew he could expect the Lord to be with him. Just like David fought Goliath, we too—will face many Goliath’s in our lives. They will not be 9-foot giants, but Satan will most certainly put Goliath’s in our way in hopes of distracting us from our ultimate goal. We must do as David did—we must seek the Lord

I have always loved the courage of Esther when she faced the king on behalf of her people even when it could mean death for her. I am sure that none of us will be facing death, but how many of us have to defend who we are? In today’s world we are becoming more and more peculiar. It takes courage to stand out, to be immoveable, and to choose to be peculiar. Just like the scriptures state that Esther was born for “such a time” (Esther 4:14)—President Monson said, that “He has saved you to come to the earth ‘for such a time as this.’ With His help, you will have the courage to face whatever comes. Though the world may at times appear dark, you have the light of the gospel, which will be as a beacon to guide your way” (“May You Have Courage”, President Thomas S. Monson, General Conference, April 2009). I like how President Monsoon said that “with His Help”; we will have the courage (“May You Have Courage”, President Thomas S. Monson, General Conference, April 2009). When we are seeking Him, and choosing to live by the light of the Gospel, is when we will be able to face or endure any trial that comes our way.   

There are numerous accounts of courage in the scriptures. There is the story of Moroni when he declared that he “would not deny the Christ” (Moroni 1: 2,3), the story of Daniel thrown into the Lion’s den for praying (Daniel 6), the story of the stripling warriors when they declared that “God is with us” (Alma 56:46-48), the story of Samuel testifying on a city wall (Helaman 16:1), the story of Pahoran when he declared “you have censored me, but it matterth not” (Alma 61:9), and the story of Abinidi testifying to his death (Mosiah 17).  I cannot begin to name all of the accounts of courage—these are just a few of the examples in the scriptures. As I studied the scriptures seeking courage accounts; however I noticed that every story with a positive lesson had an element of courage. Every scripture story that ended in failure or sadness was lacking that element of courage.

TESTIMONY ~ SEEK AND ENDURE

In all the scriptural accounts of courage there is a common theme—each of these heroes were seeking the Lord, and they were then strengthened to endure any trial that they faced. And so it is with us. President Monson said, “In order for us to be strong, and to withstand all the forces pulling us in the wrong direction or all the voices encouraging us to take the wrong path, we must have our own testimony” (“Dare to Stand Alone”, President Monson, General Conference, October 2011). We must seek to have a testimony in order to endure the temptations that surround us.

Elder Bednar said that, “A testimony is a gift from God and is available to all of His children. Any honest seeker of truth can obtain a testimony by exercising the necessary “particle of faith” in Jesus Christ to “experiment upon” (Alma 32:27) and “try the virtue of the word” (Alma 31:5), to yield “to the enticing’s of the Holy Spirit” (Mosiah 3:19), and to awaken unto God (see Alma 5:7)” (“Converted Unto the Lord”, David A. Bednar, General Conference, October 2012). Therefore, as we seek, and experiment upon the word—we build our testimonies, and as we build our testimonies—we are more able to endure the trials. As we exercise our agency to choose to seek, we are making the daily decisions that build our reservoir of testimony that will help us endure the trials to come.

When I was a freshman at Ricks College, I had a professor that opened my eyes to the importance of our individual testimonies. She told us that we were all in dire circumstances, and in order to survive—we had to be willing to give up “the less important” things in life. And then, she had each of us pick from cards at the front of the room. A few of the cards were: fax machine, computer, boat, radio, iPod, email, camera … At first it seemed pretty easy to take a few things from our list, but the lesson didn’t stop at a few things. After one round, she stood again, and said people were dying—circumstances where dire, what else are you willing to give up? And then each of us was required to again choose from the list of items: close friends, sense of sight, the living prophet, church organization, priesthood blessings, immediate family, temple ordinances… I remember that as we got down to the last two items: testimony of Jesus Christ, and a living prophet; an argument broke out in our class. One girl was extremely upset at the choice that was being made by the student who was last to choose. This girl begged our teacher to have the lesson stop; however, the point of the lesson was to eliminate all but one. The student who was last to pick was choosing to remove a living prophet arguing that if we didn’t have a testimony, then we wouldn’t need a living prophet anyway. The last card was a testimony of Jesus Christ. My professor then said to the class, “If a testimony is the most important thing each of you has, then why is it so easy to spend your time in pursuit of things that are not as important”. She was right. My time was constantly filled with important things, but perhaps not as important as working on my testimony. In our process of seeking and enduring, we must have a testimony. It is our most prized possession.

In John Hilton’s book, Essential Skills in Living the Gospel, an object lesson is described on the basis of testimony, and I’d like to do it with you now:

There are many levels of testimony:

I hope it’s true . . .

I think it’s true . . .

I believe it’s true . . .

I know it’s true . . .

What if we told you that your ring finger is less flexible than your other fingers? Do you hope, think, believe, or know that is true? What is the only way to move from “hope” to “know”? We must experiment and test it out. Do the following:

1. Put your hands together, palm to palm

2. Keeping your palms together, see if you can separate your pointer fingers. Can you do it? Good, now keeping your palms together fold your pointer fingers over.

3. With your palms together and pointer fingers folded over, try to separate your pinkey fingers. Can you do it? Good. Now fold those over.

4. What about your thumbs, and your middle finger? Good. Fold those over.

5. Now with your palms firmly pressed together and all your fingers folded over except your ring finger, try to separate your ring fingers from each other. Interesting, isn’t it?

So how many of you now “know” your ring finger is less flexible than your others? Gaining a witness of spiritual things is much the same: When we first experiment and act in obedience, then the testimony comes.

Give students the options of some “experiments” they could try (or let them come up with their own). Experiments like, “Say 10 nice things to your mother today,” “Write in your journal every day this week,” etc. so that they can do something and increase their testimony of those principles as a result.

ATTAIN

In each and every one of our lives’ we will have trials.  It is what we do with those trials, which will make all the difference, One of the greatest trials of my life happened when I was a teenager. When I was 17, my elder brother drowned in the Snake River. I still remember vividly the days we spent on the banks of the river searching for his body. I felt like I was in a dream, and that at any moment I would wake up. After three days of searching, his body was found and identified. The process of picking out a casket, and talking about a funeral left me feeling numb to my reality. Despite my unbelief at my situation, I felt an unmistakable peace and reassurance—I knew the Savior was carrying me.  However, as the time drew nearer for the viewing, that feeling of peace began to dissipate for me. I still remember my father pulling me from the viewing line, tears rolling down my face, and admonishing me to SEEK peace. I don’t remember where I went in the funeral home, or much about what happened surrounding my prayer, but I do remember reading in Matthew 11: 28-30. “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your soul. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” As I prayed and read the scriptures, peace began to fill my heart once again. I named this scripture my “Eric Peace Scripture”, and every time I struggled, I would again turn to this scripture and remind myself to seek the Savior. As we seek the Lord daily, and build our testimonies of faith—we will be better able to endure our trials. Because I had a strong testimony of the plan of salvation, I was able to endure. This was not the case for all of my family.

Sister Dalton said, "Take a few minutes to envision where you want to be in one year or two or five. Then take action to prepare yourselves. People don't just run a marathon when they decide to do it. They must train daily, slowly building stamina and endurance to run the 26.2-mile distance. So it is with life. It is daily diligence…that will help you reach your goals. Your daily decisions will influence generations" (Elaine S. Dalton, "Press Forward and Be Steadfast," Ensign, May 2003, p.105). Are we courageously seeking the Lord? Are we choosing daily to courageously endure? If so, there will come a day when we will pass through on the other side of our trials, and we will be on the pathway to eternal life.

It is my prayer that we will be like an island. Let us stand out, be immoveable, and weather the storms of life with courage, and then someday as we stand in front our Savior to be judged—we will not desire a “redo”. As we seek and endure—we will attain. I have a testimony of these truths. I know that our Heavenly Father loves us. I know that He wants us to succeed. I know that this Gospel is true. I know that when we live by its teachings, we are blessed. I know it, because I have lived it! I have experimented on the word.

BE STRONG and of GOOD COURAGE
First Girl's Camp Talk...

When we were sent here to earth, our Heavenly Father gave us the sweet gift of agency. Because we have been given the ability to choose, it is ultimately up to us to decide our final destination. I have often envisioned what it will be like to stand before my Father in Heaven and be judged for my actions here on this earth. A few months ago, I was taught a lesson on this topic. My mother-in-law entrusted my husband and I with her most prized possession—a necklace made from her mother’s wedding ring. She had left it at the cabin, and asked that we deliver it to her. Knowing how important this item was to my mother-in-law, my husband and I discussed ways in keeping it safe, and then followed through with our plan. However, when it came time to deliver the necklace to my mother-in-law, the necklace was no longer where it had been placed for safe keeping. This realization ensued several weeks of searching and praying for the lost heirloom. Throughout this time of prayer and contemplation, my soul longed for a “redo”. My mind was relentless with the “if only’s”, and the “should of’s”.  I couldn’t help but think of what I could have done, or what I should have done. In the midst of my turmoil, I was taught a lesson. One evening while contemplating the lost heirloom, my mind was opened to a new thought. In my mind I saw myself standing in front of my Savior after I had completed my time here on Earth. As I stood, my mind wondered—will I want a “redo”, or will I have done all that I could? Thankfully, my time here on Earth is not over—I still have time to prepare for the moment in which I stand before my Father in Heaven. With this thought in mind, I stand and ask a question—what will we do with our time here on Earth? In 2 Nephi it states, “Therefore, lift up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves, to choose the way of everlasting life, or the way of everlasting death” (2 Nephi 10:23). The decisions we make will determine our destiny (“Dare to Stand Alone”, President Thomas S. Monson, Ensign, October 2011). President Monson has stated, “Life’s journey is not traveled on a freeway devoid of obstacles, pitfalls, and snares. Rather, it is a pathway marked by forks and turnings. Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed…” (“The Call for Courage”, President Thomas S. Monson, General Conference, 2004).

Joshua 1:9 states, “Have I not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest” (Joshua 1:9).

This scripture has become a motto for me and my family. Tonight, I would like to take the three different parts of this scripture, and discuss them in greater detail. I truly believe as we have courage, as we move forward with faith rather than fear, and as we allow God to be a part of our lives, we will be choosing the pathway of eternal life.

BE STRONG AND OF A GOOD COURAGE

In the last general conference, President Monson spoke on courage when he said, “’Courage comes in many forms. Wrote the Christian author Charles Swindoll: ‘Courage is not limited to the battlefield…or bravely catching a thief in your house. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are inner tests, like remaining faithful when no one’s looking …like standing alone when you’re misunderstood.’ … I would add that the inner courage also includes doing the right thing even though we may be afraid, defending our beliefs at the risk of being ridiculed, and maintaining those beliefs even when threatened with loss of friends or of social status. He who stands steadfastly for that which is right must risk becoming at times disapproved and unpopular.”

The choice to hold onto our values even when it could mean unpopularity takes courage. Each and every day we make choices. President Monson said, “All of our choices have consequences, some of which have little or nothing to do with our eternal salvation and others of which have everything to do with it” (Monson, The Three R’s of Choice, November 2010). Right now in our lives’, we are surrounded by choices that can truly have an impact on our eternal salvation. Because the Lord knows just how critical some of these decisions can be, He has given us direction. The For Strength of Youth is a guidebook for our lives along with the scriptures. If these resources are used, they will guide us to make the choices leading us back to our Heavenly Father.

The scriptures are full of examples of courage. I love the example of Noah when he had the courage to build an ark when everyone around him was laughing. Can you imagine his courage as he built a boat on dry land? I think of Noah’s courage to follow through with a prompting, and then I reflect on my own life and wonder if I am doing all that I am prompted to do? My niece is serving a mission in Philadelphia, and in each of her letters she speaks of a commitment she has made with the Lord to follow through with every prompting she receives—she reminds me of Noah and his courage to follow through with a prompting despite being ridiculed. I love the example of courage shown by David when he fought Goliath. When I was a young girl in primary, we would often have to declare our favorite scripture hero—mine was always David. Even as a young girl, my heart wanted to have enough courage to face anything the Lord required. I have always loved the courage of Esther when she had the courage to face the king even when it could mean death for her. I am sure that none of us will be facing death, but how many of us have to defend who we are? In today’s world we are becoming more and more peculiar. It will take courage to embrace that peculiarity. And just like the scriptures state that Esther was born for “such a time”—I believe we are also born “for such a time” (). There is also the story of Moroni when he declared that he “would not deny the Christ”, the story of Daniel in the Lion’s den, the story of the stripling warriors, the story of Samuel on a city wall, the story of Abinidi testifying to his death. These are just a few of the examples of courage in the scriptures. Every story with a positive lesson had an element of courage. Every scripture story that ended in failure or sadness was lacking that element of courage. In a recent address given by President Monson, he said, “Decisions are constantly before us which can determine our destiny. In order for us to make the correct decisions, courage is needed—the courage to say no when we should, the courage to say yes when that is appropriate, the courage to do the right thing because it is right” (Be of Good Courage, Thomas S. Monson, April 2014 General Conference). 

BE NOT AFRAID

In order to have the courage to follow these scriptural accounts of standing alone, we must have faith in the Lord, and not be fearful of the outcome. The second part of our scripture states, “be not afraid”. When we are fearful, we allow the world to get in the way of our ultimate goal and our faith is weakened. I think I am just beginning to understand the process of fear and faith. A few weeks ago, I had an experience while at Roaring Springs, with my kids, that has broadened my understanding. 

The day my children and I decided to go was the day the management at Roaring Springs planted decoys to test their lifeguards. While we were in the Lazy River, one of those "testings" occurred. All of a sudden, a panicked lifeguard was pointing, running, and blowing on her whistle. As I turned to see what she was pointing at, I could see a lifeless toddler on the bottom of the pool. My brain went on autopilot, and I gripped tighter to Jacob as I began running towards the child's body. I'm not sure why I didn't let go of Jacob, so that I could better help the child. Jacob was on a tube, and completely fine, but my mind didn't register that I needed both of my hands to better assist the drowning child. Instead, I tried frantically to lift the body with my one remaining hand. I felt alone as onlookers watched my struggle. When the lifeguard finally arrived, she quickly pulled the child the rest of the way out of the water. It was then that I realized the child was only a mannequin—a decoy in an effort to train the lifeguard. I walked away from the lifeguard and the limp mannequin, crying silently. I was grateful to have been wearing my sunglasses. I was hoping that they were shielding my children from my grief. I kept chiding myself for being upset--all the while, grateful that it WAS a mannequin and not a real child. I think this experience was simply too close to home for me.

When I was seventeen, my brother drowned. When he died, I found myself afraid to participate in water activities. My father told me that I couldn’t allow fear to control my actions. He taught me the importance of being faithful and not fearful. He taught me that it was a choice. This experience at Roaring Springs took me back eighteen years to the time when my brother was pulled out of a river, and as I walked around the Lazy River at Roaring Springs, all of those fears came rushing back.

I have a little guy who has had to deal with many fears. I have prayed and pondered of ways to help him. We have spent many hours facing his fears—fears of riding a bike, fears of swimming, fears of sleeping in his own bed. For the last three years, fears have been a constant struggle for my little man. There were times when I thought we would never overcome; however, this year has been a major breakthrough for us with many of his fears. This last week we went to a family reunion in Lake Powell, and my brother-in-law—having no idea of Jacob’s struggles—complimented Bryan and I for teaching Jacob courage. He said, “You and Bryan have done an amazing job with Jacob. He’s not afraid of anything.” I had to laugh. Out loud. And then I felt a surge of gratitude for the Lord’s hand in helping us overcome. 

As Jacob has struggled with fears, I have never related his fears to me; however, after my experience at Roaring Springs, I now think his struggle has partly been for me and I’m learning powerful lessons on fear. There are two lessons I’m beginning to understand. First, I believe fear works against faith. It pulls me away from my Heavenly Father. I may not understand everything in my life, there may be uncertainties, and most definitely there will be bad things that happen--I cannot prevent that. Fearing the bad will not stop the bad from coming.

When we face our fears with faith, God is near. He has offered us that promise. We must be believing. In D&C it states, "Search diligently, pray always, and be believing and all things will work together for your good." That is what faith is all about--it is believing that no matter what happens it is for our good. That doesn’t mean that bad things won’t happen—it just means that whatever happens will be for our good.

The second lesson I am learning, is that living by faith, not fear is something I need to choose daily. When my faith is strong, I feel confident. I am able to face the difficulties of each new day. In these moments, I am seeking the Lord, I am praying, and I am making Him a part of my life. It is in these moments that I am full of faith. And then there are times when I allow my problems to overwhelm me. I feel anxious, and worried—I forget to seek the source of my strength—(my Heavenly Father)—and I react poorly to the situations in my life. I am beginning to think that these are moments of fear.

It seems to me to be contradicting when I know that the Gospel is true (Gregory Clark, “Some Lessons on Faith and Fear, BYU Devotional, May 6, 2008), and yet I have to continually remind myself to choose faith rather than fear. Let me illustrate with a story from the Bible.

On a boat, in a stormy sea—Jesus was awakened by his apostles:

“Master, carest thou not that we perish?” (Mark 4:38).

The Lord calmed the storm, and then asked them, “Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?”(Mark 4:40).

The disciples had sat at the Savior’s feet. They had witnessed the Savior’s power. The Savior was on the boat with them, and they knew that the Savior’s mission on earth was not yet complete; however, at that moment—it was difficult to see past the raging storm. It was explained in a BYU devotional that, “their memories of His works and His words and their hope in the future reality of His promises were not, at that moment, nearly so real to them as the storm…at that moment, the only things they had perfect knowledge of were the intensity of the storm, the fragility of their boat, the depth of the water, and their distance from the shore. At that moment their mortal senses were filled with fear: They could see and hear and feel the threat of their circumstances” (Gregory Clark, “Some Lessons on Faith and Fear, BYU Devotional, May 6, 2008).

The BYU devotional further explains that we know the gospel of the Restoration is true, but what we don’t know is how or when our trials will be resolved. The Lord has promised us that He will be with us, but at times—living in the day to day moments—it is easy to be uncertain (Gregory Clark, “Some Lessons on Faith and Fear, BYU Devotional, May 6, 2008).

Every day we have choices where we can choose to be fearful of the outcome, or we can choose to have faith. Let me illustrate with a personal story. A few years ago I backed into a dear friend’s brand new car. I found myself consumed with thoughts of expenses. Expenses of higher insurance rates and of fixing her car—even a little bump can cost several hundreds of dollars, or even thousands. One evening I was lamenting my concerns to my husband when he said, “Carrie, where is your faith?” I have to be honest—previous to his comment—I had never considered it a matter of faith; however, as soon as it was suggested, I knew I had not been faithful. Immediately, I repented, and I chose to have faith that it would all work out.

When President Hinckley spoke at his wife’s funeral he said, “It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don’t worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. . . . Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. . . . If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers” [Gordon B. Hinckley, quoted in Latter-day Counsel, “Excerpts from Addresses of President Gordon B. Hinckley, ”Ensign, October 2000, 73; see also “Put Your Trust in God, “Ensign, February 2006, 63].

The Lord is with us! The last part of Joshua 1:9 states, “the Lord thy God is with thee” (Joshua 1:9). I can’t even begin to put into words what our Savior has done for us. Our Savior understands everything we have ever, and will ever experience. President Holland said that His journey was the “loneliest journey ever made” (None Were with Him, Jeffrey R. Holland, April 2009). Not only did his disciples slowly diminish in their support, but Elder Holland also said that the “Father briefly withdrew from Jesus the comfort of His personal presence. It was required, indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind—us, all of us—would feel when we did commit such sins. For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone” (None Were with Him, Jeffrey R. Holland, April 2009). 

Sisters, the Savior understands everything we experience, and because he understands—we will never be alone. President Holland said that “one of the great consolations…is that because Jesus walked a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so” (None Were with Him, Jeffrey R. Holland, April 2009).

When my brother passed away, I had moments where I felt the Savior’s presence, and moments when I felt completely alone. Right after we found my brother’s body, my entire family felt a great peace and reassurance. We knew that a greater force was with us during that time. However, as the time drew closer for the viewing, that feeling of peace began to dissipate for me. I remember standing in the viewing line as people progressed to the coffin, and crying. I was positioned at the beginning of the viewing line, and so by the time the people who came to support our family would reach my parents at the end of the line, my parents were doing a lot of consoling. After a while, my father pulled me aside. He told me that I needed to somehow find peace with our circumstances. He asked me to go pray, and seek the Savior. I don’t remember where I went in the funeral home, or much about what happened surrounding my prayer, but I do remember reading in Matthew 11: 28-30. It reads, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your soul. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” As I prayed and read the scriptures, peace began to fill my heart once again. I named this scripture my “Eric Peace Scripture”, and every time I had a moment of struggle, I would again turn to this scripture and remind myself to seek the Savior.

Just like we must choose to be courageous, and we must choose to be faithful—we must choose to turn to our Savior. As we do so, we will be carried through our trials. Sister Dalton said, "Take a few minutes to envision where you want to be in one year or two or five. Then take action to prepare yourselves. People don't just run a marathon when they decide to do it. They must train daily, slowly building stamina and endurance to run the 26.2-mile distance. So it is with life. It is daily diligence…that will help you reach your goals. Your daily decisions will influence generations" (Elaine S. Dalton, "Press Forward and Be Steadfast," Ensign, May 2003, p.105). I bear testimony that as we choose daily to be courageous, to choose faith over fear, to choose to seek the Savior, we will ultimately reach our goal of eternal life.

I know that our Heavenly Father loves us. I know that He wants us to succeed. I know that this Gospel is true. I know that when we live by its teachings, we are blessed. I know it, because I have lived it! I have experimented on the word.

COURAGE COUNTS

Each and every one of you has been told of your divinity. Every Sunday as you recite the YW theme, you are reminded of your divinity. Prophets through the ages have proclaimed this truth. So much so that you are reminded time and time again. In the last general conference, President Monson said that you were “precious, precious daughters of our Heavenly Father sent to earth at this day and time for a purpose”(Monson, Believe, Obey, and Endure, May 2012); Sister Dalton called you “elect daughters”(Elaine S. Dalton, Now is the Time to Arise and Shine Forth, May 2012); and Sister Dibb reminded you that you are “beloved daughters of Heavenly Father”(Ann M. Dibb, “Arise and Shine Forth”, May 2012). These statements are not new. They have been declared to us for as long as I can remember. In speaking of the latter-day youth, President Ezra Taft Benson said, “…for nearly six thousand years, God has held you in reserve to make your appearance in the final days before the second coming of the Lord…God has saved for the final inning some of His strongest…children, who will help bear the kingdom triumphantly” (Ezra Taft Benson, “In His Steps”, 1987).
            Sisters you represent some of our Heavenly Father’s strongest children. So, why is it so important for you to understand your divinity? Why am I reiterating what you have already been told, what you already know? In a recent general conference, Sister Dalton related the knowledge of identity to the story of King Louis XVI of France. She said, “As a young man, [King Louis] was kidnapped by evil men who had dethroned his father, the king. These men knew that if they could destroy him morally, he would not be heir to the throne. For six months they subjected him to every vile thing life had to offer, and yet he never yielded under pressure. This puzzled his captors, and after doing everything they could think of, they asked him why he had such great moral strength. His reply was simple. He said, ‘I cannot do what you ask, for I was born to be a king.’  Dear young women, “The world would have you believe that you are not significant—that you are out of fashion and out of touch. The world calls to you with unrelenting, noisy voices to “live it up,” “try everything,” “experiment and be happy” (Remember Who You Are, Sister Dalton, May 2010). These are tactics used by Satan to pull you away from your goal of eternal life. Elder Holland described this contest between good and evil as a “life-and-death contest”—a life-and-death contest, because eternal life it at stake (Holland, “We Are All Enlisted”, 2011). Now more than ever you must know that you were “born to be a queen”. I know that if you believe you are daughters of God, you will have the courage to “Arise and Shine Forth”, and someday be crowned with eternal life! (D&C 115:5)  
                Some of my favorite examples of courage are found in the scriptures. Daniel demonstrated courage as he chose to pray even though he knew he may face death in the process. Courage was demonstrated by Abinidi as he testified of Christ to the wicked people of King Noah, and later gave his life for that testimony. The people of Anti-Nephi-Lehi demonstrated great courage as they chose to bury their weapons of war even though they knew a Lamanite army was about to attack them. I can only imagine the courage it took as they not only laid down their lives, but allowed their loved ones to die in the act of choosing the right.  By simply participating on this trek, we are gaining an understanding of the courage that was demonstrated by the pioneers as they placed one foot in front of the other in their hopes of reaching their destination. While some completed the journey—others gave their lives’ for their testimony of the truth. We may not ever be called to give our lives’ for our testimony; however, we are commanded to be courageous.  Joshua 1:9 reads, “Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest.” In order to have the courage to choose the right when the moment of choice arrives, we must prepare now. Allow me to illustrate with a personal story.
     About two years ago a friend of our family passed away. Ever since then, Jacob constantly asks questions concerning death. After a while those questions turned inward, and he began asking questions concerning his death. Jacob was afraid of dying, and anything that could be a “cause” of his dying. As his mother, I felt that we needed to help Jacob in his fears. As I turned to the Lord in prayer, I felt guided in taking off the training wheels from his bike; however, whenever Jacob cried for his training wheels—I questioned my methods. One day Jacob sat beside his bike begging me to “please put back on the training wheels”. I sat down beside him, and as tenderly as possible, I made a promise that I was not going to put the training wheels back on his bike. As I spoke these words, my heart broke. Why would I willingly cause my child fear? Another time as I encouraged Jake to start peddling, he looked up at me and asked, “what if I don’t?”  Again, my heart fumbled. My mind reflected on our spiritual journey here on Earth. What if we don’t? What if we don’t follow the plan? What if? Just like I couldn’t MAKE Jake ride a bike, the Lord cannot MAKE us choose His way. Without answering his question, I silently prayed that he would, and he did. Slowly our work turned into progress, and Jake began riding his bike; however, each time he rode—he still struggled with fear. One morning as we were getting ready to ride, I felt prompted to have Jake pray. We talked about praying for help in riding his bike, and then we prayed for that help. After his prayer, I asked Jake to tell me his favorite scripture. He slowly began reciting Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid…” as soon as Jacob said those words, I stopped him and asked him to repeat the last part again. As he slowly said the words, “be not afraid”, understanding seemed to change his countenance. I then asked him to tell me the rest of the scripture, to which he concluded “for the Lord thy God is with thee” (Joshua 1:9). We set out to ride bikes with a new determination. As we started to ride, Jacob lost his courage, and started to cry out in desperation. It was at this moment that I reminded Jacob of our scripture, “Jake—be not afraid.” Remembrance flickered on his face and he began chanting, “be not afraid, be not afraid, be not afraid” (Joshua 1:9).  Jake’s bike steadied, and ever since that moment, whenever he finds he is nervous—he chants, “be not afraid, be not afraid, be not afraid”. So, why was it so important for Jake to face his fear? The old adage remains true, “When the time for decision arrives, the time for preparation is past” (Monson, Dare to Stand Alone, 2011). As we choose to face our trials with courage now, we prepare ourselves to choose courageously when eternal life is at stake. In a recent general conference, President Monson said, “All of our choices have consequences, some of which have little or nothing to do with our eternal salvation and others of which have everything to do with it” (Monson, The Three R’s of Choice, November 2010).  Our ultimate goal is eternal salvation—in order to reach that goal, we must have the courage to remain on the Lord’s side. President George Albert Smith said, “There is a line [of demarcation] well defined between the Lord’s territory and the devil’s territory. If you will stay on the Lord’s side of the line you will be under His influence and will have no desire to do wrong; but if you cross to the devil’s side of that line one inch you are in the tempter’s power and if he is successful, you will not be able to think or even reason properly because you will have lost the Spirit of the Lord” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church). I would like to reiterate a portion of this quote, “If you will stay on the Lord’s side of the line you will be under His influence and will have no desire to do wrong” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church). What an amazing promise to be given to us by a prophet of God. Sheri L. Dew said, “Very simply, our physical and spiritual safety lies in never even getting close to the line that separates light from dark, good from evil” (Sheri L. Dew, “The Lord’s Side of the Line”, 2000). If any of you have found yourself walking the line, and struggling with sin, I challenge you to courageously return—for it will take courage. If any of you find yourselves contemplating crossing the line—don’t. Choose to be courageous and stay safely on the Lord’s side.   
                In closing I would like to share one final story about the power of knowing who you are in courageously facing trials. Esther was a beautiful young Jewish girl who was chosen by the king to be queen. Haman was the chief prince in the king’s court who despised the Jews. Through deception he convinced the king that there were a certain number of people that would not obey the king’s laws and should be destroyed. He then sent letters to the governors “to destroy, to kill, and to cause to perish, all the Jews, both young and old, little children and women, … [on] the thirteenth day of the twelfth month” (Esther 3:13). When Esther learned of Haman’s plan, her cousin, Mordecai, asked her to go to the king and plead for the lives’ of the Jews. “Esther was at first reluctant—reminding Mordecai that it was against the law for anyone to go unbidden to the inner court of the king. Punishment by death would be the result—unless the king were to hold out his golden scepter, allowing the person to live” (Monson, May You Have Courage, April 2009).

Mordecia’s response was to the point saying: “If thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, …thou and thy father’s house shall be destroyed” (Esther 4:13-14).

He then added, “Who knoweth whether thou are come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”

To this question, Esther gathered her courage and said, “I will go in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish” (Esther 4:16). Esther had been reminded of who she was—she “had gathered her courage and would stand firm and immovable for that which was right” (Monson, May You Have Courage, April 2009 General Conference). Esther through courage—saved a nation.

          Dearest Young Women, You have “come to the kingdom for such a time as this” (Esther 4:13-14). It is your day! You were “born to be a queen” (Dalton, Remember Who You Are, May 2010). I challenge you to pray to know of your divinity, for I believe that if you know that you are divine, then the adversary will have no power to tempt you, because you will not be persuaded. It is my prayer that as you look to the examples of Daniel, Abinadi, the Anti-Nephi-Lehies, and the pioneers, you will have the courage to remain on the Lord’s side, and you will “ARISE AND SHINE FORTH” and be crowned with eternal life (D&C 115:5). 

 It is how we face our fears that matter.