Spiritually Eclipsed

Spiritually Eclipsed

I had known about the eclipse for a long time. In fact, initially, I had planned to drive to Idaho Falls where there was 100% totality; however, after a long summer of driving, I decided that the effort simply wasn’t worth it. Even after this decision; however, I contemplated driving only an hour north for the totality experience—yet I again convinced myself that it simply wasn’t worth the effort. Boise would be receiving 99.6% totality—wasn’t that close enough? I do have to admit 99.6% totality was amazing. As I stood in downtown Boise, I was in awe at the phenomena around me. The shadows of trees were not like their usual shadows but they were shaped like crescent moons. The air felt a bit crisper—even a bit chilly as I wrapped up in a blanket. The street lights came on in the middle of the day. I could feel in my heart that something Godly was happening around me. It was a powerful feeling that is hard to explain. And with that feeling of awe, I couldn’t help but feel a bit saddened that I hadn’t taken the opportunity to watch the eclipse in complete totality. I lived so close, yet I was so far away… My heart yearned for more, and in an effort to experience complete totality, I called my parents. They answered the phone in the middle of their experience. I could hear my nieces and nephews shouting about the stars, the darkness, the sun, the moon… I could hear their complete excitement, and I knew that although my experience had been amazing, I had seriously missed the mark.

As I sit contemplating this experience, my mind also reflects on the night prior to the eclipse. There were messages flying across my Facebook feed about the need for glasses. I had one extra pair, and I received several messages asking for that pair. We had weeks to prepare for this experience, and yet many of us were unprepared. Before anyone thinks that I am pointing my finger—let me explain that I wouldn’t have even had that extra pair—or any for that matter—had it not been for my own daughter picking up our eclipse glasses. I, too, watched the glasses in stores thinking that I would purchase them at a future date; however, never actually purchasing the glasses.

These two reflections have caused me to think about the parable of the Ten Virgins in the Bible. Five virgins were prepared for the Savior’s coming and five were not. The five who were not prepared had no excuse as to being unprepared. They had been warned. They had been taught. They knew of His arrival, and they had every opportunity to prepare. As the Savior was coming, they begged from the five wise virgins to share with them of their oil, but the wise virgins couldn’t share with them as their oil was created through one prayer, one scripture study, and one act of service at a time. It wasn’t something that could be shared.

As I listened to my family and their excitement over the eclipse, I wished I could transport myself through the phone and share in their experience, but I could not. It was not something that could be shared. I had not prepared myself to see and visualize what was mine to see. However, more important than a Solar Eclipse and just like the parable of the foolish and wise virgins—now is the time to prepare for the Savior’s coming. Although I am disappointed at my decision to remain home for the Solar Eclipse, I know that my disappointment at the Savior’s arrival would be much more severe if I do not prepare. In Mosiah 2:16 it states, “And then shall the wicked be cast out, and they shall have cause to howl, and weep, and wail, and gnash their teeth; and this because they would not hearken unto the voice of the Lord, therefore the Lord redeemeth them not.”

 I know the Savior will come again. And His coming will be something far greater than an eclipse. And just like my family couldn’t share the views of the eclipse with me, no one can share the preparation of the Savior’s coming with me either. When He comes again, I will need to be prepared through one scripture study, one act of service, and one prayer at a time. When He comes again, I want to be numbered among the wise virgins who had prepared themselves to see their Savior. Matthew 25:13 states, “Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.” We have no way of knowing when He will come again, but we have been taught to watch and pray for He WILL come again. When He comes again, if I am not prepared, I will be spiritually eclipsed—shut out from my Savior forever and the sadness at that eclipse will far surpass my sadness of the moon’s eclipse.

God Hears

GOD HEARS ME

One of my favorite primary songs is the one that we sometimes sing in a round. A child begins by asking Heavenly Father if He is really there, and if He really answers every child's prayer. A parent then responds in the affirmative that God is there, and that He does hear our prayers. Sometimes when I am having a difficult day, I find myself singing this song while I drive. As I sing, I am also praying. Whenever I have these moments, this song seems to testify to my heart that He is really there, and He really does hear our prayers.

This past weekend, I went to Featherville, Idaho to prepare for girl's camp and I experienced the reality of God's love and His hand truly taking part in my life. Me, my sister-in-law, and our kids decided to go check out a possible hike location up a mountain on the Gator. We checked the gas gauge before setting out--more than half full--, and we were on our way. We drove up the mountain several miles until we came to a crossroad. We knew there was a trail reaching back to town, and we thought we would take that trail. At this point, we still had plenty of gas to make it down the mountain; however, the new trail we took kept stretching out in front of us with no real end and we began to feel that something was wrong. It was at this point that I happened to look at our gas gauge. My heart clenched a bit as I saw how little gas we had left. We were at least 10 miles away from the beginning of the trail. We knew we had to get down the mountain, but we just didn't know the fastest route--should we keep going and hope we would find the end, or should we turn around. As we were contemplating our course, we came to a dead end. We were on a narrow track high up on the mountain. In order to turn around, we had to make several stops and turns--inching ourselves back and forth--being careful of the mountainside looming before us until we were able to turn the Gator around. When we were finally turned around, the gas gauge began flashing in and out indicating that we had no gas left in the tank. Just ahead and to the right was another trail we had previously passed, we felt that we needed to stop and explore our options on foot in an effort of finding the fastest way down the mountain, so we pulled the Gator to a stop all the while praying that the engine would start again.

The trail was worth the exploration--it proved to be a dead end as well. By exploring it, we were certain as to the direction we needed to go back the way we came in order to get off the mountain. We were nervous of the distance we needed to cover and the lack of gas we had. We asked Hailey to pray prior to attempting to start the Gator. I don't remember the exact wording of Hailey's prayer. I do remember my lack of faith compared to her faith for as she prayed with faith that we would make it off the mountain, I was already preparing my mind for the inevitable hike we were facing. (It's not that I don't have faith that Heavenly Father creates miracles in our lives--I do. I know He does. I believe in Him with all of my heart. With that being said, I also believe that that sometimes the best answers to prayers are those in which we have the opportunity to grow and learn a lesson from our mistakes, and I was gearing myself up for the lesson I was going to inevitably learn.) As soon as Hailey finished her prayer, we started the Gator once again and to our complete shock and utter amazement the gas gauge went from zero to 3 bars of gas. I stared at the gas gauge in disbelief. My sister-in-law quickly put the Gator in gear and started down the mountain while I continued to stare at the gas gauge. I didn't even want to allow myself to hope--I was sure that as soon as I looked away from the gauge, the gas would plummet again and we would be destined to walk. Again..., it's not that I didn't believe in the power of prayer on our behalf--I think I just believed in the power of learning lessons as well.

After a while of staring down the gas gauge, I started to allow my heart to believe that a miracle had just occurred. The gas didn't disappear as I feared--instead it slowly inched down with each passing mile. My heart began to hope and pray for a continued miracle. We still had a huge distance to cover with a limited amount of gas. We didn't stop, but instead we used the momentum of the hill to our advantage. The kids in the back were a bit disgruntled as it wasn't quite a comfortable ride. When there were branches we would give a warning yell, "On your right..." and "Look out for that one...". With a few miles still to go, our gas gauge once again indicated we were out of gas. Still--my faith had been strengthened. I prayed for a continued miracle and my prayers matched the flashing of the gas gauge. The gas gauge flashed that we were completely out of gas for the last 2-3 miles of our journey, and yet... we made it. As soon as we arrived back at the cabin, we unscrewed the lid to the gas tank. We were not surprised to discover it was completely empty. We had experienced a miracle. Heavenly Father heard our prayer and blessed us to get off the mountain.

President Uchtdorf said, "God cares about you, He will listen, He will answer your prayers" (The Love of God, October 2009 General Conference). I have always believed this statement. Just like the primary song I mentioned earlier states when the parent speaks to the child--"Pray, He is there. Speak, He is listening." Every time I have sung those words, I have felt the truth of them in my heart. Every time I pray, I know He is listening. And although I know He is listening when I pray, I have never expected to receive a miracle as we did with the Gator. Most of the time my answers come slow... little by little; however, this prayer was immediate and personal. In general conference, Jaun A Uceda asked, "When you pray, are you really praying or are you just saying your prayers?" ("The Lord Teaches Us to Pray", Jaun A Uceda, October 2016 General Conference). I think this experience reminded me to pray with more faith--believing that with God all things are possible. Making it off that mountain was a message of love from my Heavenly Father to me. There was no other explanation to our arriving back at the cabin than it being a direct answer to prayer. It was as if God was teaching me to trust Him a little bit more, to believe in Him a little bit more, to rely on Him a little bit more. It was a lesson on opening my heart to the possibilities of prayer.

Choose Faith

A Few Degrees & The Power To Choose

I believe that faith is a choice. Putting faith into action is something I think we assume we will choose when the time comes to do so; however, unless we have prepared ourselves with a solid foundation, choosing faith can be more difficult than we realize. Everyday we are faced with choices. Sometimes a single choice can swing the pendulum of our lives in drastic directions; however, most of the time it is the small decisions that can amount to big course changes in our lives.

President Uchtdorf said, "The difference between happiness and misery...often comes down to an error of only a few degrees." He further stated that, "Small errors and minor drifts away from the doctrine of the gospel of Jesus Christ can bring sorrowful consequences into our lives. It is therefore of critical importance that we become self-disciplined enough to make early decisive corrections to get back on the right track and not wait or hope that errors will somehow correct themselves." 

I have been thinking about the "few degrees" in our lives and their significance. It is not easy to see how small seemingly insignificant decisions can change the course of our lives. It is easy to rationalize small indiscretions. We can convince ourselves that because they seem so "minor", they can't possibly make that big of a difference. Elder Uchtdorf shared a story of a jet veering off course by only a few degrees, and due to that course change came to a tragic end. He said:

"In 1979 a large passenger jet with 257 people on board left New Zealand for a sightseeing flight to Antarctica and back. Unknown to the pilots, however, someone had modified the flight coordinates by a mere two degrees. This error placed the aircraft 28 miles (45 km) to the east of where the pilots assumed they were. As they approached Antarctica, the pilots descended to a lower altitude to give the passengers a better look at the landscape. Although both were experienced pilots, neither had made this particular flight before, and they had no way of knowing that the incorrect coordinates had placed them directly in the path of Mount Erebus, an active volcano that rises from the frozen landscape to a height of more than 12,000 feet (3,700 m).

As the pilots flew onward, the white of the snow and ice covering the volcano blended with the white of the clouds above, making it appear as though they were flying over flat ground. By the time the instruments sounded the warning that the ground was rising fast toward them, it was too late. The airplane crashed into the side of the volcano, killing everyone on board.

It was a terrible tragedy brought on by a minor error—a matter of only a few degrees."

My daughter, Hailey, plays competitive soccer--playing competitive soccer has become a matter of a few degrees for us. Competitive teams often play on Sunday. There are two teams with her age group--the Premier Team and the Nero team. The Premier team is considered to be the "best" team, while the Nero team is a step down. Because Hailey chooses to NOT play on Sunday, she has been placed on the Nero team. She has often expressed a desire to play with Premier--feeling that the higher level of play would help her overall abilities as a soccer player.

A few weeks ago she was invited to play in the State Cup with the Premier team--a desire she has had for a long time--however; in order to play, she had to commit to playing on Sunday. With no hesitation, she declined. Instead of playing in the state cup with the Premier Team, Hailey chose to play in the Directors Cup with the Nero team. Thinking that her struggle with Sunday play was behind her, she faced the Directors Cup with excitement; however, the Directors Cup proved to be another test on whether or not she would play on Sunday.

Hailey's Nero team usually has more than enough subs; however, due to injury, and Hailey's choice to not play on Sunday--her team had no subs for the Sunday tournament games. Normally, her team didn't question her decision about Sunday play; however, this time Hailey received many comments. Many of her teammates could not understand how she couldn't be there for them during the tournament. She had several girls beg her to make an exception. And although Hailey wanted to cave, she did not. On the way to church, she confessed that it was "so hard...so very hard to not play". She confessed that sometimes she wondered if it would make that much of a difference... I listened to her talk. We both cried a little. At end of our conversation, I asked her what gave her the strength to go to church rather than play the game she loved. Her response: "I have a testimony. I know that God wants me to go to church and place Him first. And I love Him more than soccer." She then pointed to the heavens and with a laugh in her voice said, "I hope He's watching." 

There are times when we wonder about the importance of her decision to not play on Sunday. Will it be the few degrees that can change the course of her life? In the end, we always agree that it will. As she trusts in God, and keeps His commandments, a change is and will continue happening in her heart. She is solidifying within herself to choose God over the world, and she is placing herself on a course for eternal happiness in the life to come. I believe that these small decisions or degrees--as Elder Utchdorf stated--will amount to making all the difference. 

Faith

Failures in Writing

When Nephi and his brethren went to get the plates from Laban, it wasn't until their third attempt that they were successful. Sometimes it is hard to understand why--when we are doing God's will--things are not a bit easier? In the case of Nephi and his brethren, perhaps the failure was part of the process of success. Perhaps the reason Laban was drunk and Nephi was able to slay him was because he was celebrating the fact that he had just stolen a large amount of gold and silver? I don't know this to be true, but what I do know is that when we persevere, the Lord will bless us. Sometimes we may feel as if we fail time and time again, but I would like to assume that that failure was all a part of the process of accomplishing the Lord's designs or the process of our lives being refined.

On Sunday, I fasted for guidance in writing a book. Five years ago, I felt inspired by the Lord to begin the process. For five years, I have felt a great sense of inadequacy, and I have worried that I am failing the Lord.I decided this week to fast for direction (once again) and seek help from the divine source in which the prompting came in the first place. During fast and testimony meeting, Brother Armstrong bore his testimony about Nephi and his brethren failing on multiple occasions while trying to secure the plates. He testified that at times we experience failure, but that it is all a part of the process of reaching our end goal--even when we are inspired by the Lord. As he testified, I felt the spirit speak to my soul. The Lord was pleased with my effort--I just needed to keep pushing forward with trust in Him.

I am so grateful for promptings and the opportunity we have to be refined through our experiences here on earth. Our Heavenly Father truly does know each of us individually. He loves us. He wants us to succeed, and He is sending messages just for us. I know Brother Armstrong's testimony wasn't a coincidence. I know it was for me from the Lord. I am so grateful.

Doubt your Doubts

In October 2013 General Conference, President Uchtdorf said, "It’s natural to have questions--the acorn of honest inquiry has often sprouted and matured into a great oak of understanding. There are few members of the Church who, at one time or another, have not wrestled with serious or sensitive questions. One of the purposes of the Church is to nurture and cultivate the seed of faith--even in the sometimes sandy soil of doubt and uncertainty. Faith is to hope for things which are not seen but which are true.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters--my dear friends--please, first doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith. We must never allow doubt to hold us prisoner and keep us from the divine love, peace, and gifts that come through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ."

We all have doubts. Some of our greatest battles occur within our own minds. It's what we do with those doubts, which will determine the direction of our lives. While I'm a Sunday School class I was taught about a disciple of Christ who also doubted:

25 And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.
26 And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.
27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.
28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?
32 And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.
33 Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God.

As Peter looked around at the boisterous sea, he was reminded of his doubts rather than his faith. As he took his eyes off the Savior, his carnal understandings took control of his reactions. He was a fisherman. He knew the properties of water and knew that walking on water wasn't meant to happen. He allowed his carnal understanding to alter the faith he was experiencing. 

And so it is with us--many things that require faith cannot be understood through our carnal understandings. Believing there is a God cannot be proven simply by science. Faith takes leaping away from the edge of understanding. It takes trust. It takes seeking God and then applying the feelings of the heart. It cannot be proven by science, but it can be felt within ourselves.

Making Jesus Christ the center of our lives is key in the process of faith. Elder Bednar said, “the counsel Alma gave to his son Helaman applies precisely to each of us today: ‘Yea, see that ye look to God and live’ (Alma 37:47). “We should look to and have our focus firmly fixed upon the Savior at all times and in all places” (David A. Bednar, “Therefore, They Hushed Their Fears”, General Conference 2015).

I truly believe keeping our focus set on Christ is key to staying the course of faith. President Monson has promised that if we can make Jesus Christ the center of our lives, it will “enable us to face our challenges to meet them head on and to emerge victorious” (Thomas S. Monson, Be of Good Cheer, General Conference April 2009).

My little brother, Brandon, just recently passed away from the flu. Brandon and I were inseparable as kids. He was my sidekick. We did everything together. Truly, if there was an adventure to be had—Brandon and I did it together. Brandon’s death was unexpected to our family, and the shock of it caused great anguish for both myself and my children.

I was in the car with my middle child when I received the phone call with the news of Brandon’s passing. His death has caused a lot of pain for all of my children, but especially, Amber—who was with me when I heard the news.  Amber has found herself full of fear.

Helping Amber stay focused on faith rather than fear was a daily struggle. She couldn’t go to bed without fear, she couldn’t be separated from us without fear, she couldn’t go to gymnastics without fear. As a family, we prayed for direction; we kept our focus on Christ—we read scriptures, and we talked of Christ. Day by day we received inspiration and direction to help us along our fight. A turning point in Amber’s struggle happened at bed time when Amber couldn’t go to sleep because of her fears. We talked for a long time about gospel principles and focusing on faith. We talked about tools to help her focus her mind on the good and happy things in life.

A huge break through happened one night during family home evening. We allowed the kids to submit any type of question, and then Bryan and I took turns answering their questions. Amber submitted the question: “How do you continually choose faith over fear?” At this point in Amber’s journey, she was worried about whether or not she had faith at all, because she had been struggling with so many doubts. We had talked about Satan wanting her to doubt her faith, and how President Utchdorf had counseled us to “Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith” (Dieter F. Utchdorf, “Come Join With Us, October 2013). As I read her question, I prayed for inspiration, and Elder Bednar’s talk came to my mind where he shared Peter's experience. I quickly opened up my Ensign and began sharing with Amber the story of Peter walking on the water: “But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid,” began to sink, and cried out, “Lord, save me. “And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?” (Matthew 14:30–31) (David A. Bednar, “Therefore, They Hushed Their Fears, April 2015).
This is where I stopped and explained to Amber that it wasn’t until Peter lost his focus on the Savior that he began to sink. Peter had great faith—faith enough to walk on water, but Peter also had fear—just like we sometimes do too. I then finished explaining with Elder Bednar’s explanation:“I envision Peter responding fervently and immediately to the Savior’s invitation. With his eyes fixed upon Jesus, he stepped out of the boat and miraculously walked on the water. Only when his gaze was diverted by the wind and the waves did he become afraid and begin to sink” (David A. Bednar, “Therefore, They Hushed Their Fears, April 2015).

I told Amber that just like with wind distracted Peter from his focus on Christ—we too, can experience distractions that can take our focus from Christ. However, I promised Amber that if she could stay focused and stay the course—she would overcome.

After this family home evening I witnessed the miracle taking place in our lives while preparing a Gospel Doctrine lesson on faith. In the midst of my preparation, I remembered our family home evening discussion. I turned to Amber and I asked her to tell me about her “Peter” experience and how it was going, and this is what she said: “I have remembered Peter and what Jesus said to him, and I have decided I would want to be the kind of person where I could continue to walk on the water keeping my eyes focused on the Savior. Because I have wanted to do that, I have had to do things to keep my focus. When I find myself feeling fearful, I have been replacing my fear with uplifting music. As I have replaced the fear I have had peace; I have been more happy; as I have pushed the fear out, I have felt reassured that I will overcome.”  

How many times in our lives do we take our eyes from the Savior? How many times do we allow ourselves to be tossed by the boisterous sea rather than taking hold of the truths of the Gospel? Sometimes it is easy to take in our circumstances without allowing the Savior to play an active role.

Keep Trying

These words from President Monson touched me today:

Keep Trying

“One of God’s greatest gifts,” President Monson said, “is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final.” Don’t let discouragement get the best of you when you fail at first (or second or third).

Keep going. Keep pushing. Keep trying.

Nobody’s perfect, but everybody can be better. Remember that “God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep on trying.”

I love the movie: Anne of Green Gables. I absolutely love the sincerity of Anne, and her desires to improve. Her sweet determination and her constant failures reminds me of me--I can totally relate. After what seemed like an epic failure, Anne says something that I repeat to myself on a daily basis. She says, "Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it." I love this insight. I love the reminder that we can keep trying. We don't have to give up because "today" didn't go as planned. Nope--tomorrow is new, and it is our gift to try again. 

President Monson coupled with Anne of Green Gables gives me hope for my tomorrow's. So, for today--I will keep trying, and if I don't succeed right now, it's not over. I can keep trying. I have no doubt as I keep this perspective, my tomorrow's will be filled with more success than my today's.

Child of God

When my eldest daughter started first grade, I was instructed more fully of the importance of our divinity and studying scriptures. I remember feeling distraught at sending her to school. I hated the idea of her being away from me for an entire day. Not only did I miss her dearly, but I was entrusting others’ to provide positive influence in her life. I felt concerned for her spiritual safety. I remember taking my concerns to the Lord. And then one morning I awoke with an answer. I had been instructed to remind my children of their divine heritage. And so began a tradition with each of my children. Every morning each child is asked the same question, “Who are you?” to which they reply, “A child of God”. They are then asked, “What does that mean?” to which they reply, “I am a princess”.  For a time, I felt peace with this simple routine; however, I soon learned that there was more to my answer. While listening to conference, I received a strong impression about early morning scripture study. We were already studying scriptures at night; however, the impression was clear that for my children’s spiritual safety they needed to be fortified with the word of God before leaving for school. And so, a new routine began.  In the beginning, our morning scripture study was hurried, and limited. At times we were only able to quickly read through one scripture, or at other times we were so rushed that we would simply recite a memorized scripture as we rushed out the door. I remember feeling somewhat discouraged. Despite my best efforts, our scripture study was not living up the impressions I had received. Again, I took my concern to the Lord, and I was impressed with yet another way to spiritually protect my children. I was instructed that rather than leaving our scripture study for the end of our morning routine—I needed to start our routine with scripture study. The next morning, the only change we made to our routine was the time in which we chose to study the scriptures. As we made scripture study the priority, I saw miracles happen in our lives—we were able to devote ample amount of time to scripture study, get ready for school, and be out the door on time. What was once a rushed reading of the scriptures has now become an in-depth study of Gospel principles. The Lord has made up the difference in time, and by studying the word of God, my children are more prepared to face whatever temptations they may encounter.
...And now 9 years later, we still follow this simple admonition, and I truly believe it has made all the difference in the lives of my children.